(2.4 38-103) - Original text
"BENVOLIO- Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo. MERCUTIO- Without his roe, like a dried herring. O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers that Petrarch flowed in. Laura to his lady was but a kitchen-wench— marry, she had a better love to berhyme her—Dido a dowdy, Cleopatra a gypsy, Helen and Hero hildings and harlots, Thisbe a grey eye or so, but not to the purpose.— Signior Romeo, bonjour! There’s a French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night. ROMEO- Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you? MERCUTIO- The slip, sir, the slip. Can you not conceive? ROMEO- Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great, and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy. MERCUTIO- That’s as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams. ROMEO- Meaning “to curtsy”? MERCUTIO- Thou hast most kindly hit it. ROMEO- A most courteous exposition. MERCUTIO- Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy. ROMEO- Pink for flower. MERCUTIO- Right. ROMEO- Why, then is my pump well flowered. MERCUTIO- Sure wit, follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain, after the wearing solely singular. ROMEO- O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness. MERCUTIO- Come between us, good Benvolio. My wits faints. ROMEO- Switch and spurs, switch and spurs, or I’ll cry a match. MERCUTIO- Nay, if our wits run the wild-goose chase, I am done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five. Was I with you there for the goose? ROMEO- Thou wast never with me for anything when thou wast not there for the goose. MERCUTIO- I will bite thee by the ear for that jest. ROMEO- Nay, good goose, bite not. MERCUTIO- Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting. It is a most sharp sauce. ROMEO- And is it not well served into a sweet goose? MERCUTIO- Oh, here’s a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell broad! ROMEO- I stretch it out for that word “broad,” which, added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose. MERCUTIO- Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? Now art thou sociable. Now art thou Romeo. Now art thou what thou art—by art as well as by nature, for this driveling love is like a great natural that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole. BENVOLIO- Stop there, stop there. MERCUTIO- Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair. BENVOLIO- Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large. MERCUTIO- Oh, thou art deceived. I would have made it short, for I was come to the whole depth of my tale, and meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer." |
Translation-
BENVOLIO- Here is Romeo, here is Romeo. MERCUTIO He's skinny, like a dried herring without its eggs. My, my you’ve become pale and weak like a fish. Now he’s ready for Petrarch's poetry. Compared to Romeo’s girl, Laura was a kitchen slave. Surely she has a better love to make rhymes for her. Dido was shabbily dressed. Cleopatra was a gypsy girl. Helen and Hero were sluts and harlots. Thisbe might have had a blue eye or two, but that doesn’t matter. Signor Romeo, bonjour. There’s a French greeting that matches your drooping French-style pants. You faked us out pretty good last night! ROMEO Good morning to you both. What do you mean I faked you out? MERCUTIO You slipped out on us, sir, you slipped out! Don't you understand? ROMEO Excuse me, Mercutio. I had very important business to take care of. It was so important that I forgot about courtesy and good manners. MERCUTIO In other words “important business” made you flex your butt. ROMEO You mean do a curtsy? MERCUTIO You’ve hit the target, sir ROMEO That’s a very polite and courteous explanation. MERCUTIO Yes, I am the pink flower—the master, of courtesy and manners. ROMEO The pink flower MERCUTIO Right. ROMEO Well, then my pump is well decorated with flowers. MERCUTIO Alright my witty friend, this joke has worn out your pump. Its thin skin is all worn out. The joke is all you have left. ROMEO This is a bad joke. It’s all silliness. MERCUTIO Come break this up, Benvolio. I’m losing this duel of wits. ROMEO Keep going, keep going, or I’ll declare myself the winner. MERCUTIO Now, if our jokes go on a wild-goose chase, I’m finished. You have more wild goose in one of your jokes than I have in five of mine. Was I even close to you in the chase for the goose? ROMEO You were never with me for anything if you weren’t there for the goose. MERCUTIO I’ll bite you on the ear for that joke. ROMEO No, good goose, don’t bite me. MERCUTIO Your joke is a very bitter apple. Your humor is a spicy sauce. ROMEO Then isn’t it just the right dish for a sweet goose? MERCUTIO Oh, that’s a joke made out of leather that spreads itself thin, from the width of an inch to as fat as a yard. ROMEO I stretch my joke for that word “fat.” If you add that word to the word “goose,” it shows that you are a fat goose. MERCUTIO Why, isn’t all this joking better than groaning about love? Now you’re sociable. Now you’re Romeo. Now you are what you’ve learned to be and what you are naturally. This love of yours was like a blithering idiot who runs up and down looking for a hole to hide his toy in. BENVOLIO Stop there, stop there. MERCUTIO You want me to stop my tale before I’m done. BENVOLIO Otherwise your tale would have gotten too long. MERCUTIO Oh, you’re wrong. I would have made it short. I had come to the deepest part of my tale, and I planned to say nothing more on the topic. |
Meaning- Imagine two peacocks fighting. This is kind of what these two boys are doing; fighting for dominance- and Romeo is winning. This scene is important because Shakespeare needs to clarify who really is the dominant male (who is supposed to be Romeo) and there are clouds of confusion. This is why in the end, Romeo wins this little poem fest. Something that is revealed about Mercutio is the fact that he has an overwhelming ability to come up with rhymes, puns and dirty jokes instantaneously. Also, Shakespeare may have added this scene just to add some humor into the play (because they play isn't very lighthearted at all).